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30 December 2011 @ 11:50 pm
 
A close friend of mine said that it may be healthy and helpful to reidentify by posting in a journal..  I felt he was right, that this would be an excellent way for me to gather my thoughts and decipher the massive amounts of information processed and intently analyzed from occurrances during daily life.  We must not lose ourselves in the busy, crowded, claustrophobic mass identity that is being formed. My soul yearns for solitude and the industrious spark of isolation.  The peaceful existence by eliminating distraction from the internal.  As a grow older, I find it increasingly difficult to connect with others on any level other than a mildly superficial. I dislike this greatly, and it is somewhat intimidating.  The new year is approaching, quickly how time passes by.  I make an effort daily to enjoy the life that is passing.  The widespread and rapid increase of technology has germinated the seed that will destroy natural human emotion.  Terrifying imagery.  The connectivity of the masses is becoming increasingly unbearable to witness.  This is an evil that has not yet shown its lurking face, but I feel its presence, and may we be shocked by the digression of generations to come.  As for generations that have passed, a wave of decadence, then proficiency.  I ask God to grant me my only wish.  My thoughts are no longer my own.  I must stop this before the damage is imprinted onto my psyche - drastically influencing my analytics, conscientiousness, mannerisms, and softness that was unique to a refined heart, refined by deflating torment by maintaining a dispassionate, constant discernment - only to be followed by a strenuous struggle to rectify.  When one loses their self through another's impatience, selfish conceit, lack of emotional stability, and an unwavering need for constant attention by allowing their natural qualitities to put them in harm's way, through the heart, it is disgusting.  The manipulative, yet unconscious, need to fuel to the mind's level of satisfaction; the gruesome, limitless selfishness.  It is the most damaging thing to a being of a endlessly giving nature.  Yet, heart remains strong.  The heart may endanger the growth of the spirit.  Spirit is declining, and I find myself seeking out the qualities that once manifested frequently.  Astray.  Lost.  Victimized through constant pleas and residual offers, I allowed myself to stay.  No longer.  "In solitude, where we are least alone."

It is my time to find what I left behind.  The year holds opportunity, adventure, travel, and financial gains.  The absense of love will be an excellent struggle to undergo for a woman who may be on a fine wire treading between codependence and independence of the mind.  I must set it free.
 
 
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